Come, 2008, and welcome!

It dawned on me today that I really do think this coming year is going to be a good one. I’ve voiced it and hoped it and now, I think I actually believe it.

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions. I think it’s a great time to do so–a symbolic time of sloughing off the old and putting on the new. For me, though, it’s better to jump into whatever it is you feel you should change, regardless of the date.

I’d set some goals for myself toward the end of the year, and met at least 75% of most of them–I gave up or reduced several harmful dietary items, and that was good. Something I am continuously working on is not being so hard on myself and not letting things get to me so much–realistically, I don’t see that changing drastically in 2008, as it hasn’t in previous years, but it’s always a hope.

So, in the spirit of not making resolutions, I submit some non-resolution-like items that make me happy, or at least peacefully hopeful, for 2008:

1. I love 8s. My birthday is August 8, so this coming year my birthday will fall on 08-08-08. That rocks.

2. As mentioned a dozen times before, I’m going to be an aunt for the first time this year. I’m pretty sure it’s a girl, though a nephew would be just as groovy. My sister and I are so different in so many ways–she’s definitely the mommy type with the level head. When she wants to, though, she has a genius-level creativity and whimsy. The thought of her nurturing a little one puts my heart in a right and beautiful place.
2a. That said, I can’t wait to be weird Aunt Holly with all the cats.

3. It’s possible my bff and I are taking a road trip this coming summer. More on that as it unfolds.

4. The upcoming election, though I’m tired of it already, means that things will change. I’m looking forward to it, for better or worse. (P.S. to the candidates: repeal NCLB, and I’m yours. Probably.)

5. Olympics!

Much more, but I’ll end with a semi-resolution. Today, for the first time since I joined in March 2005, I put an unwatched Netflix rental back in the mailbox. It was a big step, as I have this OCD-type need to have watched the movie before returning it. This has resulted in lots of wasted time and possibly money. No more. If’n I don’t want to watch it at this time, I heretofore resolve to send the movie right back in exchange for one I do want to watch. Life’s too short to do otherwise.

Tonight, I’m pulling a Scout and staying in. I’ll most likely ring in the new year in fleece pants with research papers on my lap and yet another episode of The Twilight Zone marathon on the TV. There’s not really anything I’d rather be doing (minus the research papers).

To everyone who has read this chronicle of mundanity (its original title, by the way), especially those who have left encouraging comments along the way–thanks. You’ve no idea what you mean to me, regardless of whether I’ve met you “in real life” or not.

Many thanks and prayers for your new year. My best.

2007, Holly style.

You can skip this one if you’re not me. I want to have it written up, sort of like a life journey progress report, for future reference for myself, though. I’m happy for you to share in it, of course. That’s what this blog thing is all about. Take it or leave it.

I still pretty vividly remember my New Year’s Eve–I didn’t start the year off on the happiest note. I spent most of the evening trying to fit in with a group I never quite made it with. It was a group of great people…but, as is often the case, their friendships were already decided long before I got there, and as a person who has a hard time being not awkward in groups anyway, it just wasn’t to be. I wasn’t a hot chick, and I wasn’t incredibly outgoing, and I didn’t have a “real job,” so it was hard to fit in amongst all the accountants and pharmacists my age who already owned houses and stuff. I made a valiant effort for several months, and even made a couple of friends whom I definitely consider keepers (one of whom you may know).

I ended my efforts with that group shortly thereafter. In fact, that very evening, someone I’d considered a good friend made a very hurtful offhanded remark about me in front of several people, and I decided it was time to split. Thank goodness for Starbucks . I was able to book it to a friend’s house, where my beautiful dorky coworkers were sitting around playing board games and watching Dane Cook DVDs. So, all was not lost. It was an appropriate beginning to a year full of the same kind of disappointments and redemptions in people and places I will always hold dear.

That was January. Also in January, I began my surreal stint with the Tennessee State General Assembly while still working at the Buck (and freelance copyediting on the side) part-time. There, I would make some cool friends who loved sushi as much as I did and learn that pretty much every stereotype about politicians is true. But, I was getting paid to write, even if it was just plugging information into a template, and that was groovy. Working downtown was also a perk.

Also also in January, I would begin classes toward a business degree. I’d made that plan a few months before. By the time I actually enrolled and began classes, though, I was already missing teaching, and undergrad economics started sucking my soul pretty early on. I shelved that for a while and began the process of looking for a teaching job, to my own incredulity. I mean, I’d moved to Nashville to start over and get away from teaching.

February–Started a blog.

March, etc.–Fell more and more deeply in love with Nashville, even as I started realizing that I’d probably have to leave her to be who I wanted to be. You see…Nashville, to me, is a place where everyone seems right on the brink of…something. I loved it. I drank it in as deeply as I could every single day I was there.

Somewhere along the way, though, I decided I wanted to venture beyond the brink. To see if I could cut it as a grown-up in a place I wasn’t that excited about living. I know, I know–most people’s great life revelations happen the opposite direction–they leave grownup jobs in places they don’t care for to see what could happen if they venture into the unknown. Me, though–I felt the pull towards the known–towards something I’d done, but that I knew I could do better. Towards a region I said I’d never live again, doing something I said I’d never do again…because I thought I could actually start to live my life to benefit both myself and others. It would have been a lot more fun to keep slinging lattes, mooching off family and friends, and scraping together however much it would take to see the shows I so lived for. But, fun or not, I knew it was time to do what I knew I could do because so many people can’t and/or won’t. Because it’s hard.

And, yeah, I needed a steady paycheck. Those things are pretty beneficial.

Sheryl Crow left teaching to become a singer. I left singers to become a teacher. I’m just fine with being the opposite of Sheryl Crow, at least in this case.

Back to the timeline of the year–in June, I lost a couple of dear friends. Not to death or illness or hatred, but to my own stupid actions. I still pray they aren’t lost for good. That same month, I interviewed and was hired for this here teaching job. They promised me a laptop. They did not, however, promise me student literacy. I forgot to ask about that in the interview. I was elated and terrified and I knew this would be one of the hardest things I’d ever done.

And it has been. In July, my familiar Dorian and I moved in and jumped in. School started and I was blindsided: there was an energy Nazi who wouldn’t turn on the A/C for several days in and who has only turned on the heat a few days thus far this winter; there was prayer and gospel testifyin’ at inservice; and there were all these requirements–lesson plans, namely. In teaching college, I’d type up a vague outline for each session and then see where the muse took us at class time–and these people now wanted me to account for every minute of every class of every day for a week and give them documentation of it beforehand?

These new stresses, coupled with having to take classes that would allow me to officially continue with said stresses, nearly did me in by the end of the semester. I’ve always been drawn to people who could do several things at one time and excel at all of them, but I’ve never been one of those people. I have a tendency to be easily overwhelmed, and not being able to sleep more than 4-5 hours a night and then having to get up and deal with the incessant yelling and giggling and wandering around and chasing and scuffling of teenagers all day…well, I actually started to gain at least a small understanding of how a person could be driven mad.

Yet…I rarely, if ever, regretted doing what I’d done. I still don’t. The experience has, however, helped me set some more goals for myself. I’d once said I probably wouldn’t be taking my schooling any further, but now I’m very ready to entertain the notion of a Ph.D in at least the distant future. I’d like to get back on the college level and teach students who, even if not thrilled by it, at least want to be there if for nothing else but to fulfill the requirement. I’d set a 3-year timeline for living here, but…well…anyone know of a good high school or community college hiring English teachers for next school year? Preferably somewhere in or near mountains, or at least a Target?

Don’t get me wrong–if I’m here again next year, I will be fine. Things will, in fact, be better–I’ll have built up at least a little more cred and possibly have earned a little more respect. This whole thing–this whole year, really–has been such a hard and priceless learning experience. My dad always said that, as a young preacher, he got his degree from college but his education from the hills of eastern Kentucky. I think I will look back at this west Tennessee foray in much the same way.

And 2008? Ooh, who knows? One thing I do know is that, Lord willing, I’m going to become an aunt sometime in July, and I can’t think of anything more thrilling that could happen. But what if there is…? Bring it on, I say. As for my New Year’s plans…I’m thinking bed sounds good. It can’t be any worse than last year’s. In fact…I think what’s to come is going to be a whole lot better.

Holly’s albums of the year, 2007 edition

Actually, it’s my first edition, as I wasn’t a blogger in 2006. Way back then, though, I did have a friend who started a mass email asking everyone to contribute their top five favorite songs of the year. That was fun until the bravado came out and boys started hurling words and phrases such as “so mainstream!” and “music snob!” around and the rest of us sort of ducked out of the discussion. So, in the spirit of year-end wrap-ups, but with the hope that it won’t turn into a peeing contest, here is a list of sorts.

Criteria for my list(s): must have been released in 2007, obviously. However, instead of using my vast musical knowledge (which does not exist) to write a critical review, I’m just going to tell you what albums I dug this year. I’m not into telling you what was the “best of,” as I’m not sure I’m qualified to make that judgment. So here goes.

1. Easy Tiger, Ryan Adams and the Cardinals. (What–you were expecting maybe Rihanna?) As I’ve said before in my myriad writings about this album, I’m not prepared to say this is his best album. For me, for now, though, and for the time it was released…I think it may have hit me more poignantly and in a more timely way than any of his have, and that’s saying something. Wanna see Holly’s insides? Listen to “Two” or “Rip Off.” Wanna hear the intro music to her joy and heartache all wrapped up in one? Listen to “Goodnight Rose.” Wanna hear some grown-up-but-still-aching, painfully insightful wordsmithing and tight musicianship? Listen to the whole cotton-picking thing. This album, for me, will always mean my Nashville experiment and walking into Starbucks and changing the music to this at the beginning of every shift and so much else I wish I could tell you about.

2. Sky Blue Sky, Wilco. I knew from the moment I heard Jeff Tweedy sing the title cut at his acoustic solo show at TPAC that I was going to love the whole album. It’s laid-back and groovy, but the band are still in rare form. Another soundtrack to my life this year.

3. Icky Thump, The White Stripes. Every word I want to begin this with is some sort of onomatopoeia– “mmmmmm,” “awwww yeah,”and “sigh” being among them. They’re at their guttural best here. It’s nasty-good rock, and I’m on this ride for as long as they’ll pulsate and wail me along.

4. Children Running Through, Patty Griffin. Oh, Patty. She’s all I could listen to in the weeks surrounding the release of this album and her subsequent show(s) at the Ryman. Another heartbreaking, chill-inducing addition to her vast canon.

5. West, Lucinda Williams. This one was almost Not Too Late by Norah Jones, which I also recommend. However, as I type this, I’m watching my DVR’d Austin City Limits with Lucinda, and she’s singing the title track, and…she wins. It took me a long time to really become a fan of Lucinda–her music, words, and voice are not the easiest to listen to, at least not to my ears. Seeing her at the Ryman this year completely changed that. This album is one of her saddest (which is saying something), but, to use a cliche (or, worse, a Mellencamp title), it hurts so good.

A running theme in my top choices has been maturity–all of these are my favorite artists anyway, but for some reason, this year I’ve seen just a little bit of aging (in a good way–you know, like wine or cheese) in each of them. Looking back…I’ve seen the same thing in myself this year. Coincidence? Maybe, but it’s a nice thing to have in common with some of my favorite artists.

xkcd: Christmas Back Home

Blogger on location: Fido

I’ve already texted Scout to make her jealous that I’m sitting here in the heart of Hillsboro Village, sipping my soy Rolo(ver), so I won’t dwell on that. I actually came here to avoid slipping into Sunday-nap mode at my parents’ house and to hopefully get some work done. So, of course, I must blog.

Obviously, with the end of the semester and the holiday onslaught o’emotions, I’ve had plenty to think about, but I’ve not been together enough to write any of it out. And sometimes I wonder if hindsight-blogging isn’t more my forte anyway–I get really embarrassed when I read stuff I wrote in the middle of the action. And and, I’ve read so many beautiful posts about Christmas (the aforementioned Scout, Newscoma, and others come to mind) lately, I haven’t wanted to pollute the Christmas-spirit-ridden blogosphere with my mundanity.

Thus, a list:

1. The grooviest grooviest thing happened yesterday! I read this post by Mr. Bez and was delighted for him and got very excited for myself. I, too, was planning on getting an 80 GB iPod Classic for myself with my Christmas money. A little while later, my sister and brother-in-law left (we’d all converged on my parents’ house for the weekend to have early Christmas together). Not long after they’d gone, my mom asked me if I’d accept another present. I, of course, answered in the affirmative. Yep. He’s black and shiny, his name is Rufus, and I’m in love with him. No more lugging around my monstrosity of a CD case.

2. In keeping with yesterday’s grooviness theme, I got this piercing last night. My friend Sarah and I had a perfect Nashville evening, complete with dinner at the Spaghetti Factory (we sat in the trolley!), and my piercing was the culminating event.

3. Speaking of perfect Nashville evenings, I am SO HAPPY that they are putting a holiday message in the lights of the Tennessee Tower again! There is a handful of things that mean Christmas in a joyful way to me–this is one of those things. When I was a little girl, we’d have Christmas at my great-grandparents’ in west Nashville. Driving by that huge (to my young eyes) skyscraper with its messages of hope and joy and cheer WAS Christmas to me. I nearly cried when I saw it last night. Sarah and I giggled like little girls. Thanks, Nashville. Really.

4. I miss boys with shaggy hair and glasses. They don’t have those where I live now. Sitting here in Fido, that seems to be all that’s allowed.

5. I am a teacher. This would appear to be a pretty obvious statement. Toward the end of this semester, though, I was for the nth time having my doubts. It got pretty wretched as far as my workload vs. the “payoff.” Some days, I really have had to just look at it as an income. I don’t think I’m selling out by thinking that way. However–since I’ve had a few days off, I’ve been able to sleep on it and get some perspective. I believe this is what I am supposed to do with (at least part of) my life. I think the very parts of my personality that have such a hard time with the bad parts of it are the parts that make me suited for teacher-dom–the hypersensitivity, the stubbornness, the irrational belief in people. It’s SO hard. But, as with any trade/job/career/calling/whatever…it will get easier. Or, at least, more manageable. I will get better at it. And, eventually, I’ll actually feel like I’m accomplishing something with these kids. This is what I’m doing with my life. And it’s a good life.

6. That said, I’m getting out of Dodge as soon as is reasonably possible. It’s really flat over there.

The Mac’s about to die. Better grade something. Or something. My apologies for the lack of holiday insight. If I’m not back before Tuesday–my best to everyone for your Christmastime.

Y’all go give ‘Coma some money.

If you believe in Amer’ca, you’ll put your money where your mouth is.

(Seriously, this is one of the funniest, greatest things I’ve ever taken part in.)

"You sit on a throne of lies."

I do love Buddy the Elf.

I’m watching the aforementioned movie with my seniors as we’re waiting on the half-day to end so we can all go on CHRISTMAS BREAK. Yes. I’d like to do that.

Things I’m thinking about this day, in no particular order:

1. My sister’s little bean. Yup, I found out during my blog hiatus that my little sister is gonna be a mommy. I wasn’t allowed to tell for a while, as they had decided that they were going to wait until the first trimester was over to tell, but they they couldn’t keep it under wraps. My sister is still my sister, after all . I may or may not ever be blessed with kiddos myself, but I’m not sure I could be any happier than I am at this news. Yay babies! Yay aunthood!

2. Eric Volz. I was happy to hear of his release, but have been thinking very much of its aftermath. I really hope he’s home soon with his family. More here, here, and here.

3. Sushi with government peeps! I’ve mentioned my sushi friend Wade on here before–he and I and sometimes others would go about once a week to Sam’s when I worked at the legislature, and it was always the highlight of the week. I’ve missed those people and working downtown and sushi itself (they don’t sell it in this part of the state, you know). I’m meeting him/them again this week when I get back to Nashville, and it’s absurd how excited I am about this.

4. Follow the Lights. I picked up this EP over Thanksgiving break when I was back in Nashville, and it made my trip. Most of you know that it’s rare that I think Ryan Adams is capable of anything but genius (oh, but it has happened), so you won’t be surprised to know that I have nothing but positive things to say about it. I’ll most likely do a semi-review of it in the near future, but for now…it’s just a thing of beauty.

5. The iPod I’m hoping to get with my Christmas money. Yes, really! I don’t have an iPod or any other form of mp3 player. Shew, I still listen to vinyl sometimes.

6. A NAP. This past month or so has been insane-o. I will be splitting as soon as they let the chi’ren out for the last time for a couple of weeks, returning home, and sleeping off this semester.

Oh, so much more, but as always, some things are unbloggable. Plus, some senior boys have decided to hang out around my desk. Weird. I wish they’d go home.

Merry Tuesday to all.

Where I’m laying my scene this morning.

Today, my freshmen take their final and I never have to deal with them again. (Even the several who are going to fail will have a different teacher next time.) I’m typing this as my second and last of them are writing their essays with mandatory quotations from Romeo and Juliet.

I love that play. By the time you’ve completed an undergrad English major, you are supposed to have gotten all cynical about R&J and how over-the-top gooey-romantic it is. You are supposed to pick out a more difficult Shakespeare and claim it as your favorite–the more obscure, the better. You are supposed to perfect your eyeroll and nasally-snide tone in even saying the name of the silly little play about the silly little teenagers who off themselves.

I just simply love it. I wasn’t able to do it justice in teaching it–I let myself get behind and had to spend what time I had focusing on helping them pass the all-important standardized test–but I got all swoony when we would read certain passages in class. Now, I will say that “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?” et al lose something in “translation” from Shakespearean English to teen gangsta, and having to explain that “ho” meant something completely different back then sort of detracted from the experience.

But, ah, read this and tell me it’s not worth a little flutter:

O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope’s ear;
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows,
As yonder lady o’er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I’ll watch her place of stand,
And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!
For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.

This, too:

Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow’d night,
Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.

No wonder I’m not married. Sigh.

Here we go a meme-ing.

Ouch! Her Serene Highness the Squirrel Queen nailed me with this nifty holiday meme, and it’s just the thing to keep me from studying for my final tomorrow. Thanks! Here goes. Unfortunately, as much as I love Christmas and the holiday season, I’m afraid some of my answers may sound Scroogey. I’m really not–I’m just painfully introverted/depressive/anxiety-ridden this time of year, so sometimes even the little things (such as #1) threaten to turn me into a pile of pine needles at any given moment. Overall, though, these are some lovely things to think about.

Rules for the game include:

1) Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2) Share Christmas facts about yourself.
3) Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
4) Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends.

1. Wrapping or gift bags? I dig gift bags and use them the most often, but I always seem to forget the tissue that goes inside with the gift, so I end up taping the top of the bag together, which is really ghetto, but it’s me. And you’re getting a gift, so don’t complain. I actually prefer wrapping because it reminds me of my mom teaching me how when I was little and trying to get the ends folded in just right. (Something I still can’t do very well…)

2. Real or artificial tree? Real in theory, artificial in practice. Once, my dad brought home this perfect tree, and the family was miserable for a month. Allergies. Bad mojo.

3. When do you put up the tree? After Thanksgiving as well. Anything before is uncivilized.

4. When do you take the tree down? The day after Christmas. I’m not joking. It’s a weird holiday OCD thing.

5. Do you like eggnog? Ohhhh, yes. I lurve it. (And boiled custard.)

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Honestly, anything my parents gave me. They always put so much thought into everything and scraped together whatever they could to give us the best they could afford. Christmas morning was always this stomach-floppy, squealy family time–it doesn’t get much more “home” than that. Even now, my mom is the best gift-giver I know. She has a knack for putting together the perfect gift from everything she knows and loves about you.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? no

8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I can’t think of one. If someone gives me a gift at Christmas, it’s hard to think in terms of “best” or “worst.” Can I say the worst gift I’ve ever received, period? A stuffed fox from a delusional suitor sprayed with his cologne. We were in our mid-20s. Eeeeeeeewwwwww.

9. Mail or email Christmas cards? This year, it’s looking like I’ll just be Super-Poking on Facebook

10. Favorite Christmas Movie? Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer (I second that)

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas? November-ish

12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? fudge and all the party dips and spreads (I second this one as well)

14. Favorite Christmas song? Silver Bells

15. Travel at Christmas or stay home? at this point, home IS travel, if that makes sense

16. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and, you know, that other one

17. Angel on the tree top or a star? star

18. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning? 1 on Christmas Eve, the rest the next morning

19. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Christmas music nonstop and people’s inner demons bursting outward

20. Do you decorate your tree in any specific theme or color? Usually I stick to a complementary color scheme or style, but I don’t go all out

21. What do you leave for Santa? I must admit I haven’t done that in a while

22. Least favorite holiday song? CHRISTMAS SHOES

23. Favorite ornament? Any of the ones my mom kept from when we were little and that we have hung on the tree every year since

Okay–I’m supposed to tag 7, but since I’m running on about 1/4 of a tank, I’ll probably fizzle out after a couple…so…I’m passing this one on to Melissa and Erin. Ooh, ooh, and Mike! They’ll have to come here to see they’ve been tagged, though. I’m going to bed.

Liveblogging my take-home final.

Since I cannot seem to put my mind to this booger and instead am hitting “check mail” on my Yahoo account every 2.5 minutes and am hitting refresh on my Google Reader and Facebook pages even more often, I thought I would channel it into possible productivity. Thus far, I’ve posted a video and given an award, but now I want to invite you, the reader, into my Monday night.

A little background: yes, this final was posted two weeks ago. Yes, it’s due tomorrow night. But, NO, I have not had time. I just simply haven’t. A little setting: my apartment, on my couch typing on my Mac and wearing PJs. In the background is a great documentary I DVR’d last night. So…here we go:

9:21pm: I’m 1/6 of the way through. I’ve answered a question on whether or not I think public school funds should be given to private schools. You know, so more people will have more of a choice as far as education goes. Feh. Now I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to say about magnet schools for the next question.

9:25pm: Look at this snowman doughnut!!!! I REALLY want some Krispy Kreme, but they apparently don’t believe in them over here. I want a snowman doughnut, a cruller, a sour cream glazed cake, and a hot original. And some coffee. And whole milk (though that, of course, is not an option).

9:40pm: Dude, I wanna teach at a magnet school!

9:51pm: Documentary over. Next up from the DVR: the enhanced edition of Blazing Saddles. Never seen it before, enhanced or not.

10:35pm: Never mind. I’ve made some progress, but I’m just going to have to finish this during planning period tomorrow and after school. Seriously–I’ve figured out that unless I’m at a concert, hanging out with friends and fueled by coffee, or with a boy I like, I’m not capable of being a night owl like I was in college. Of course, then, I had a curfew, so my night-owling abilities were severely curtailed and I had to waste them on all-nighters writing papers. I’m so lame. But this movie’s funny. Except the potty humor–bodily functions just aren’t funny to me. But I’m too tired to talk about it. Lame lame lame.