Feel-good Friday: Kings of Leon, “The Bucket”
July 31, 2009
Filed under feel-good friday
Tags: i have a crush on every boy, kings of leon, the bucket, katie
This is in honor of Katie, whose birthday it is today and who bought me my very first Kings of Leon CD years ago.
P.S. I went to college for one year with the hottie drummer, though I didn’t realize that until after I was already a fan.
Scott.
I guess it’s safe to say that, after 13 years, I’ll always remember something sad that happened on this date.
Scott was this soft-spoken, goofy, brilliant boy with the coolest handwriting I’d ever seen. He dated my good friend Angie off and on for a couple of years, and I just knew they were going to be together in the end, even though they had both been dating other people for a while since they’d broken up the last time.
He and I had several classes together through the years, as we both took academic and college prep classes and it was a small high school. He could be really funny, or kind of a jerk, or super sweet. He was #72 on the football team. His hair was a little too perfect, but he was still a cute guy who would have made a very handsome man.
I sat behind him in Chemistry I. I had this Santa pen that I would torment him with; I would make it talk and “walk” on his shoulders. He would laugh even though he was clearly annoyed, and he would blush. He blushed a lot.
We also argued about the correct spelling of the possessive form of “it.” I, of course, was right. I must have had that conversation–or one quite similar–with many of my peers, seeing as how I already considered myself an English major. I only recall grammar-bantering with him, though.
Weird what you remember, eh?
On July 27, 1996, Scott was driving home from his girlfriend’s house late at night. He wasn’t drunk, but he also wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. He was probably tired. He hit a tree. With his dad at his side, he was airlifted to Vanderbilt, where he died of his injuries. Just like that.
I was staying here in Nashville with my grandparents that weekend. We’d been to Opryland that Saturday. The Olympics in Atlanta were bombed that same day. My grandfather asked me when I got up that Sunday morning if I knew Scott. The question knocked me off-guard, but I still couldn’t have prepared for what he had read in the obituaries that morning.
I couldn’t make myself go to the funeral. I cried at the football game when all the guys wrote ‘72′ on their helmets and kneeled in a silent circle on the field before a game. They won that game, and they won it for Scott. Sometimes, I’d think I’d see him in the halls among his old groups of friends. Not in any sort of supernatural way…it was just that he should have been there. It was our senior year.
My class that year, by far, was not the only class to lose someone young in a heartbreaking, wrenching way. I’d imagine you can think of a similar situation in your own high school. Indeed, we lost another member of our class a few months later–a guy I’d sat behind in every alphabetical seating chart since elementary school. It was an emotionally draining year.
Scott and I weren’t best friends. We weren’t even what I’d call good friends. We didn’t hang out unless he was with Angie and we were doing something as a group, and we only talked otherwise if I sat near him in a class. I was never one of those people who, forgive me, always jumped on the death bandwagon and mourned the loudest and invented relationships and memories with the departed. In fact, I’ve always been disoriented in the face of overwhelming emotions. I cried a lot in the wake of Scott’s death, but it was usually in private and with a sort of helplessness and confusion. He may not have been close to me, but his death affected my life in a way I still can’t articulate and will never understand completely.
On July 27th, I think of Scott. I think of him at other times, too. And I can never fully reconcile that one mistake on one night in one summer ensured that someone I once knew, someone who dealt with roughly the same life issues that I and all of our classmates did, someone who had plans and dreams and selfishness and kindness and worry and love and a family, someone who was excited about senior year beginning in a few weeks, would stay behind in time and never get to realize any of it. And so, while the rest of us have gone on to degrees and jobs and relationships and children and four presidential elections and a history-altering catastrophe and the big 3-0…Scott is still 17. He will always be 17.
Just like Heaven.
July 27, 2009
Filed under heart, things that make me swoony, videos
Tags: cover songs, just like heaven, the cure, the watson twins
This song–the original one, by The Cure–never fails to make me dream of all kinds of beauty. When Last.fm played me this cover by The Watson Twins this morning, it kind of made me believe in love again for a few minutes. Silly Holly. Lovely song.
Caturday happythings.
July 25, 2009
Filed under arbitrary list, music, my bod, the job
Tags: i like lots of things in this world, acupuncture, last.fm, belly, harris teeter, the library
Since I want to write but can’t think of much at the moment, and since I didn’t do a Thankful Thursday this week, I’m going to tell you about some things that have made me happy lately.
1. Last.fm. One major perk of working where I work is being able to plug my earbuds into my computer and listen to music. Last.fm has done an especially good job of keeping up with my mood. This week, I got on a 1990s kick, and it was there for me with all kinds of grungy goodness, along with a little bit of top 40 that I remember, a touch of ska, and an appropriate amount of Vanilla Ice (i.e., one song played only once, just enough to bring a smile but not enough to make us want to call Suge Knight). That totally wins. Later in the week, I of course switched over to Ryan Adams and the Cardinals Radio, and Every Single Song was a winner. I was hitting the heart button right and left.
2. The library. I’ve long held that the public library was one of mankind’s greatest institutions. I’ve always been fascinated by the what-might-have-beens in the destruction of the Alexandria Library. For li’l ol’ me, though, the public library is still a precious gift from civilization. As someone who has little money and already too many books anyway, the ability to devour the written word for free and then give it back so someone else can do the same is brilliant and priceless. I’ve started to make use of the CD and DVD collections, too. And it’s all free!
3. Harris Teeter. The name used to always make me laugh when I’d visit Nashville before I lived here because I’m a 12-year-old boy. I’m LOVING working within walking distance of one now, though. Their deli and produce section is top-notch. AND I get a nice lunchtime walk.
4. My acupuncturist. I think a lot of things have worked together to make me the happier person I am right now. The latest and one of the most influential is acupuncture. I’ve been going weekly for almost two months. In that time, I’ve only had a couple of migraines and a handful of sinus headaches. Admittedly, I’d rather have none of the above, but the decrease has made SUCH a difference. And I can’t describe to you how much more relaxed it makes me, as well as how sustaining that relaxation is. I can’t explain it, I’m just thankful for it.
5. My disgusting gut. Yes. Let me explain. So much of the self-loathing I have carried around for over a decade has ended up in my gut, whether figuratively (as in, I end up attributing every rejection or heartache to my weight), literally (as in, acid reflux/indigestion), or physically (as in, I have no waist and look about 7 months pregnant in some shirts). Gross. I’ve been in an unhealthy cycle for a REALLY long time. Lately, though…I’m letting go of some of the self-loathing. The ultimate litmus test of that has been that I am refusing lately to let my pudge dictate what I can and can’t wear, and even whom I can and can’t talk to or what I can and can’t do.
Don’t get me wrong–I’m still going to work on making healthy choices, seeing as how my dad’s diabetic and I have some issues of my own. But, one healthy choice is to stop hating myself for something no one else hates me for–and if they do, well, like your mom said, “they’re not the kind of friends you want, anyway.” Accepting that has definitely made me happier lately.
Okay. Five is a good number, though there are more. Very shortly, I’ll be seeing Neko! Happy weekend to all.
Feel-good Friday: Neko Case, “John Saw That Number”
July 23, 2009
Filed under feel-good friday, my nashville
Tags: neko case, john saw that number, ryman auditorium
Ummm…has anyone else noticed that I’m one of only about four people who do Feel-Good Friday anymore? Very sad. I refuse to give it up, though.
As I mentioned before, I’m going to see Neko Case at the Ryman Saturday. I’ve wanted to see her FOREVER, and I’m SO excited about this show.
What we have here is one of my favorites of her songs. Yeah, it’s about John the Baptist, but it’s about so much more. (Well, actually, it’s about both John the Baptist and John the apostle if you listen to the lyrics, but I doubt most would know that or notice it.) Usually, I avoid listening to religious music as entertainment for a number of reasons completely irrelevant to this post. Sometimes, though, an artist catches me off-guard with a semi-religious track–though usually it’s one I’ll never actually sing in church. I don’t consider this “religious music,” actually, so much as just a pure rock-with-a-bit-of-abilly revelation.
And that VOICE. I cannot wait to hear it in the Mother Church.
Discrete ruminations.
July 22, 2009
Filed under arbitrary list, family, movies, the job
Tags: celtic-y stuff, half blood prince, harry potter, i like lots of things in this world, marriage/weddings, my lair, neko case, new job!, tennessee ernie ford, the hambone, what am i even talking about?
I’d rather be at church than at home tonight, but here I sit. Sinuses plus some serious idiocy on my part have landed me here. No need to go into it–I just have stupid reactions to stupid things. Regardless, if I must be in, this is a good evening for it. I think I shall now try to shake loose some of the contents of my whirling, sinus-pressured brain.
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The job is fine. If I can ever get the hang of it all, I think I’ll be okay. I’ll never be a real go-getter in the corporate world–that’s just the way it is. That doesn’t mean I don’t work hard at my job–I do. It just means that, unlike one of the other trainees who started the same time I did, I will not be wearing heels and a business suit every day to a job where I’m allowed to wear jeans. Nor will I be a brown-noser. It’s just not me. It’s getting to be less me as I get older, actually, and I’m starting to appreciate it about myself. I don’t think the boss is too appreciative of it, honestly, but I’m just going to continue to do my job, be nice to everyone, and not make waves if at all possible.
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I have no reason (let me emphasize this), no reason at all to be thinking about my wedding, but for whatever reason, lately I’ve been thinking this would be a nice touch. Though these days it’s apparently a neo-Pagan thing, originally, it was simply a wedding tradition of my ancestors. I’ve long known I wanted a Celtic design for my wedding band (like this or this, maybe), but I think the handfasting thing is a lovely manifestation of the wedding vow.
It will have to be quick and dirty, though, as that’s how I want my ceremony to be (if such an event ever takes place). This preacher’s daughter and alumna of a marriage factory has seen and been involved in enough “dream weddings” than to ever want such for herself. I want a marriage, not a wedding.
But that’s another blog post, in which I’m not just throwing stuff out there.
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A cherished benefactor has ensured that I get to go to this. I could not be more thankful or excited. Neko! In the Ryman!
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Check out this Tennessee Ernie Ford video. It’s apparently made the rounds lately, or at least the rounds that stop at my dad’s email. He made me watch it when I was over at my parents’ this past weekend, and I loved it–you can’t not smile at that kid getting down. This led to a discussion of the Hambone, of which I’ve never heard, but which I was privileged to see my dad demonstrate–which was then followed by Marley’s mimicking, which was followed by a cuteness coma for all of us.
Thank you, Tennessee Ernie Ford.
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I’m apparently one of few who enjoyed HP6. I took issue with the omission of what I felt was a pivotal plot point, and admittedly had I not read the book, I’d have been a little disoriented at times, but it was still very entertaining and endearing. Through the years, as a reader of popular fiction and avid movie-goer, I’ve had to suspend my “the book is SO much better” snobbery. Of course the book is better than the movie–almost always. That doesn’t mean the movie can’t be enjoyable. It’s two different media.
I just like to see how close the director’s vision of the story is to mine. One major scene in Half-Blood Prince–the one with Dumbledore and Harry in the cave with all the water–was almost exactly as I’d pictured it. That’s a feeling that never ceases to be thrilling.
Oh! Just thought of an exception. I couldn’t bring myself to watch the Narnia movies because C.S. Lewis is so dear to my heart–it just felt wrong somehow.
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And, finally, I am pleased and a little nervous to inform you I’ve signed another year’s lease on my apartment. I’m just going on faith that there will be a job to provide rent for said apartment once this temporary job ends–it’s not like I really have any other options. This has become my little home, and I’ve already made some pretty significant memories here. I don’t want to rent forever–sometimes I salivate as I drive by cute little houses in old Nashville neighborhoods–but until I know if I’m going to stay in Nashville long-term, have stable employment, and/or get married, it’s the best choice for me. Right here, right now is…right.
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Lots of things are feeling right lately, and I’m allowing them to be so. Thanks for reading this nonsense.
Sweet song for a Tuesday.
July 21, 2009
Filed under things that make me swoony, videos
Tags: feist, jeff tweedy is my boyfriend, letterman, wilco, wilco (the album)
So, I finally got the new Wilco. I know, I know, it’s terrible that it took me almost a month. That’s what unemployment is good for, kiddos.
Anyway, I’d heard this song a while back and loved it. On my drive to work, though, in the mild, sleepy-smile-inducing morning, it was just right.
I wrote a long, incoherent post last night about love and…whatever, but when I read it this morning, I didn’t even “get” it, so I took it down. This song–lyrics, melody, Feist, all of it–is a much more pleasant substitute. And what a great Letterman performance!
Sunday nap time utterances.
This past week left me pretty exhausted, as getting back into a routine and cramming a bunch of new info into my head and sitting under fluorescent lights are wont to do.
It’s a good job doing a good thing. It’s not so far removed from my last job that I feel completely like a fish out of water, but it’s minus the most glaring stresses that that job afforded. I’ll be glad when I get all the processes down and can just sit at my desk and do my thing. They don’t mind if I listen to music, and that’s a HUGE plus.
I love my new co-workers. Lots of great smiles and senses of humor. It’s a very laid-back atmosphere, so I can wear jeans if I want, which I of course do. I’m still kind of antsy, as there are some areas I feel pretty incompetent in and even though everyone’s nice, there seems to be an easily-agitated vibe in the office. I don’t want to be the cause of agitation. And I’m not at all sure the woman who hired me is happy about her choice, but I guess she only has to deal with me for 6 months.
I will continue to learn this coming week, and in the next few weeks, I hope to come up with some sort of plan. For, you know, life and stuff. I’m pretty sure I know what I want to do next, it’s just getting it together financially and stability-wise that will be the rub.
As I said, I feel like this is the right thing to be doing right now. I have the experience that informs my responsibilities, and that’s nice. I’m pretty sure I won’t retire a customer service rep, though. I can already tell there will be days in which I’ve gone in and had my brain completely drained and not much else happened. It’s that way in any office situation, though.
Each evening this week, though, the weirdest feeling has hit me when I’ve left for the day. When I taught, leaving the building and getting into my car were just a small break in between my work day and my work-at-home evening (the latter of which I did not, of course, get paid for). I was always mentally planning as I made that walk to the car how I could most efficiently get done with everything I had to do when I got home. Getting in the elevator at 5pm every day this week, though, when I’ve started to try to mentally plan my evening, I’ve had a lovely realization–”wait…I can go home and leave all this stuff here.”
That’s a feeling I’ve rarely–almost never–had with a job, and it’s a good feeling indeed.
