I know that it’s possible that I truly am emotionally disturbed, and I say that with no irony, but…I’m not miserable in my job at the moment. I don’t know exactly what happened, other than I’ve been praying and trying to have a better outlook in at least a few small ways–well, I guess that is what happened. No need to discount it.
There’s also no need to sugar-coat the fact that some of my chi’ren are jerks. That’s harsh, but I think age 15ish does NOT mean the same thing that age 15ish meant when I was in high school. I’ve had some yell certain words at me with such venom that I had no choice but to take it as if it were from an adult with the same amount of inexplicable hatred.
And still…sometimes, I cannot stand it, I am so moved by certain circumstances that I know they are in or that they come from. I am sometimes so moved by how childlike they are at times. Ninth grade has never been my favorite to teach–well, I say “never,” but it’s only my second year. It’s just that you know how attached I got to my seniors last year–seeing them on the cusp of…life, really–it’s a privilege.
But, 9th-graders hold their own unique place in the whole life thing, too, and I’m getting to see that. I know I complain a lot. A lot. And it is hard. But, I knew the other night, when I lay awake thinking of certain ones of them and tears came to my eyes…as much as I rail against this very thought–which is more often than not–yeah…this is what I need to be doing with my life right now.
Please do not hold me to this. I’m still keeping my eyes open for an opportunity more suited to my personality (and financial needs, I’m just going to say it). I will NOT retire a high school teacher. But it’s not all bad, and I wanted you to know I know that. And that I am thankful.
(Please, please, don’t let me get laid off. Please, please.)
Anyway, all that said, I’m still ECSTATIC about this.
1. That all these people are safe.
2. That I get to see this little girl this weekend: